


Sweet Release

by s_paced_out



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Crack, beans, the duality of man
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-01
Updated: 2017-03-01
Packaged: 2018-09-27 16:26:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10031855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/s_paced_out/pseuds/s_paced_out
Summary: Please enjoy the only fic I have ever completed I hope it changes you as much as it changed me.





	

**Author's Note:**

> DON’T READ THIS THIS IS THE MOST RIDICULOUS THING I HAVE EVER WRITTEN GOOD GOD

Levi stood firmly in front of the crowd of Recon Corps members.

“As most of you are aware, it has come to light that our gas resources have been depleted. Now, before little shits all panic, I want you to know that I have been preparing for this possibility for a while now.” He held up a metal can.

“This, my subordinates, will be the key to our survival.” Armin frowned,

“Um, sir? What are we supposed to do with a can of rations?”

“Not just any rations,” Levi replied. “These are beans. I have been experimenting with the gaseous powers of beans ever since I got word that we were running low on gas. And now-” Levi’s body shuddered. “Ah yes, “ he moaned, his expression one of pained ecstasy. “I am ready.” A gold light washed over his body as he shed his cloak and dropped his pants. 

“Um Heich-” Eren was interrupted by the gorgeousness of Levi’s ass that blinded the entire squad. A low rumble began to build up within Levi and everyone stared in awe as, in one explosive motion, Levi shot forward toward the trees his swords and ass shining. History books would later speak of this moment of pure majesty, the sparkles that encompassed his being and glow of hope that remained in his wake.

“Oh my god,” Armin gagged, tears in his eyes, unable keep his emotions over Levi’s genius in any longer. “That’s why we had beans for lunch. He planned it all along.” Eren stepped in from of the squad. 

“YOU ALL KNOW WHAT WE NOW HAVE TO DO. WE WILL DEFEAT THESE TITANS, WITH EVERY GLORIOUS FART WE CAN MUSTER.” The entire squad dropped their pants in agreement, letting out groans of concentration as there body’s collectively rumbled in preparation of the release of their gaseous fumes. Eren was the first to shoot forward, his release even stronger than Levi’s since the magnificent heat of his titan shifter body compressed his gas to even greater lengths. Not long after, the legion of Recon Corps members flew into the sky, the marvelous gust of their gas blowing down their camps completely, their horses flying through the air after being hit by such a strong force. 

Eren could help but laugh with glee when Armin caught up to him. They had done it; humanity could still be saved. With the power of their farts, they could kill the titans and retake the Earth. With the power of their farts, they could do anything.

**Author's Note:**

> Congratulations. You did it and I thank you.  
> Also I wrote this three years ago as a freshman in college and I think it's finally time to let it frolic on a real fanfic site instead of being sad and alone on my tumblr. This is what it truly deserves.


End file.
